And So It Goes

I woke up to a pounding headache this morning. I can't decide if its general stress, caffeine withdrawal or from the habit of grinding my teeth at night. I took some Excedrin and tried to fall back asleep but it was futile. The lights seemed too bright at 5:30am so I lit some candles and turned on a hot shower.

I'm having a harder time dealing with Henry's cancer lately. The effect of his therapy on his appetite has been to effectively eliminate it. I'm used to taking pride in the healthful way our children look; full boned, with that lean childhood muscle. Now Henry's knees are bulging in the middle of thin, flaccid legs. He's noticeably lighter now when I lift him and seems frail. When things are going on inside of him, I have to strain to imagine what's going on. That can have its own pitfalls, but they're fleeting. Now that the chemotherapy has taken his hair and his appetite, its more evident all the time. And this is the beginning...

We've been getting the itemization of bills from the hospital. I suppose they send them so that you appreciate the insurance company. It's certainly having that effect. My heart starts racing with each envelope that comes. I've heard of the stories of fighting with the insurance companies about coverage during a time like this, something I dread. So far, no sign of it. In fact, each time I'm on the phone with our provider, they consistently end the conversation with words of empathy. I hope that extends to any differences we may have in the future.

My mother returns home today for a short time and will return in early December. She's been our primary source of support during these last weeks. I think she'd rather stay, but I'm glad for her to return for a while to rejoin family there and to put things back in order after her abrupt departure in mid-October. Thank you Mom.

We're all off to Baltimore early today. We'll leave the girls with Tara's folks, spend some time with Henry at the hospital and then get over to the airport. I'll swap with Tara and we'll start the week again. We're crossing our fingers to be home by Thanksgiving, but we're not counting on it.