Friday, June 5, 2009

What I Miss Most

What is it we love about our children? I'm sure its so many things. Sometimes I just find myself looking at Anna or Sophie and realize that I'm just lost in seeing them see things, observing their experiences, being thrilled by what surprises them and delights them.

After Henry died, I have felt very old. I haven't known how to describe the feeling except for that, 'old'. I feel like sitting quietly more than being active. I feel like being alone more than with people. I feel despondent and lacking energy. Not much surprises me and I grow tired of things quickly. My emotions are very thin and not interested in being used. I feel in many ways, that I look back on my life and feel 'done'.

But sometimes, I catch a glimpse of my girls being fascinated by something simple. The water in the shower running down Sophie's arm this morning, trickling off her little fingers...she watched it, made a funny face and said, "they're like hoses!", and giggled. Her smile consumed her face and so did mine. Her perspective is fresh and new and lovely.

This is what I miss most about Henry. His perspective was so unique. I suppose that's what makes us each special. We all want so badly for everyone to agree, but the differences are what keeps us alive. The differences are what keep us engaged and interested. I miss being able to see the world through his eyes. I miss you Henry.


Granya said...

Thank you for yet another sensitive and loving message from a sensitive and loving parent.

There is nothing to add except Henry is missed by many, 24/7.

Anonymous said...

Bryan...i honestly believe you have a book in all of your insights, your poignant way of saying what you are feeling and your ability to express yourself. You never fail to amaze me. Even though we really only knew Henry through your words, we miss him too.
The Skelly's